The parish priest stops Brian on the street and asks how he managed to get so drunk the night before.
“Well, Father,” says Brian. “I won a bottle of whiskey in a raffle, and then I fell in with some bad company.”
“Bad company? Weren’t you with Jim Murphy, Aedan Clark, and Sean Joyce?”
“Yes, father. Bad company.”
“Brian, not one of those men drinks.”
“Yes, father. That’s what I mean. Bad company.”
A citizen of the U.S. was visiting Montreal. He was in a restaurant and decided to use the Men’s Room or les toilettes pour hommes. Suddenly, he came out screaming.
The owner of the restaurant tried to calm him down.
“Monsieur, what iz zhe matt-err?”
“My hand,”screamed the American. “The faucet spigot had a ‘C’ on it, and the hottest water I’ve ever felt came out.”
“Ah, Monsieur, zhat iz becowse ‘C’ stands for ‘chaud,’ which in Frenshe means “hot.”
“Yes,”said the American. “But the other spigot had a ‘C’ on it as well.”
“Of course, Monsieur, the ‘C’ stands for ‘cold’ in Anglais.”
“But that’s crazy.”
“No, no, Monsieur, zhat is not bizarre at-tall. You zee, Monsieur, Montreal is a bilingual city.”
A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, “What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?”
A man next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, suggests, “I don’t know… Why don’t you play your age?”
He walks away. Moments later, he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Well, he thinks, maybe she won!
Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know, buddy…. She put all her money on 27. When 36 came up, she fainted!”